We made Christmas come a little earlier this year so we could send Joanna off on her mission in festive spirit. Tabitha and I stayed up through the night to get things ready, which surprisingly for me made my little-boy Christmas heart get all excited again. I even enjoyed the Karaoke at the party, which for me was an awesome breakthrough!
A little later Joanna was set apart to go two by two "[declaring the] gospel as with the voice of a trump, both day and night." It was supposed to be a beautiful event. And it was, but it was hard to keep myself from falling back into deep remorse afterward: The Stake President spoke the words of the blessing and a few of us joined with him. We could feel the Holy Ghost reassuring her and us all that she was indeed "set apart from the world to a higher plane of thought and activity." I remembered my own mission, and felt that I had not been so blessed with an experience like this. Then the feeling that somehow I had not been enough or had done enough to see the success and glory I expected to have felt came creeping back. As we talked about it, Tabitha soon reminded me of something important: she said, "Joanna does not experience the doubts and fears that you had going into your mission". There is a reason for everything. There is no need for worry, God has it under control. We have to trust Him. And, as I've thought about it, she's right. Missions and the experiences we have on them are perfect for each individual, tailor cut for each one of us. The anxieties I experienced on my mission help me probably better than anything else to remember the infinite power of Christ's sacrifice and grace. God is not a respecter of persons. If He reassures His humble smiling handmaid Joanna, then surely He is cognizant of me. He is aware, and that is enough! I can let that understanding bring me peace. Doctrine and Covenants 24:12 (The Teachings of Spencer W. Kimball, ed. Edward L. Kimball [1982], 478)
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