Undeniable is the fact that little children who from birth are without care and compassion—motherly love—face difficulties and detriments that otherwise could have been avoided. What sadness to see the bitterness of souls who suffer neglect. Of course we need love; it is integral in human identity.
Likewise, I listen to the radio and never hear a song that doesn’t make some mention of it. I never go a day without hearing it discussed in conversation. But the more I try to get a feel for what the many of us as people feel and understand “love” to be, the more I believe that it is our experience that dictates our definition of it. For that reason a dictionary could never correctly outline its meaning; the meaning is already embodied in the person and therefore subject to evolution over a personal lifetime and differences among us collectively. In that vein our personal compilation of life experiences, emotions, and choices leads us to believe love to be a certain thing and to look for it in a certain type; if I perceive love a certain way, I would likewise expect it in that way. As an example, if one feels that personal time with somebody is the greatest expression of care, then he or she will look for that to be reciprocated. He or she probably couldn’t tell you exactly why that is the way they feel, though, or if there are scenes and decisions in the past that have led him to feel that way. For me, I have always felt that sincere communication validating my efforts is the hoped-for expression of love; the more eloquent they are, the more excited I get. I don’t know exactly why. But this seems superficial to me. This kind of love expects that what one wants, one will get. It is a hope for another to cater to one's idealization they have constructed for love. It may be that you expect a certain behavior from one you love, or that you expect a certain attitude, as two examples. In either case, the result is painful because it is not selfless and because the desired ‘love’ is never completely received. When the behavior it requests is forced it likewise causes pain. I believe that there is a holier, purer type of love that is possible to find and have. This selfless love, which by its nature extends itself without regard to all people, is more durable because it is kinder. A genuinely selfless attitude of love it not just caring for those we love (and all people, really), though it is certainly that; it is stronger than wishing to serve them, though that is true too; it is not simply blind to age, sex, smell, race, and language, but certainly does encapsulate that feeling. Rather, it goes beyond all these things to admire and cherish the very worth of the soul. In that moment the expectations we harbor personally dissolve. If my wish, then, had been a type of communication or behavior or attitude, this true love of that soul would wash it strongly away with the tide—because it is a faith in inherent divinity. My hope is that through this essay this feeling of this true love might be more evident to me and more attainable to us all. Consider the following: Going into a meeting which I would honestly rather not attend, I remind myself at what time it will end. I begin to plan in my mind the things that I will do when the meeting is over and look forward to it. Even though during the meeting I begin to realize there is content that is interesting to me, and although I start to get involved, I begin to be anxious and frustrated with the leader of the group when he goes 10 minutes over (when the things he/she was saying at that point were obviously not entirely necessary). It is clear that my expectations were set and that I refused to let them go on three occasions. I judged the leader of the group's intentions and felt superior to them because of the items I had already established that I could have been doing with that time. With our relationships to our loved ones, is it not sometimes the same? Do we not find ourselves thinking: "If so-and-so hadn't done THIS, then I could have done THIS!" "If my husband had only thought about how important that day really was to me we wouldn't be having this conversation right now." "If she hadn't spent all that time with her friends, she could have made me dinner like she said she would have!" This is the point at which many of us recognize that we do not wish to feel this way, and then become inordinately anxious. We ask ourselves if we are justified or if we are acting irrationally. In relationships this can cause confusion over compatibility. I would venture that our thoughts reflect the idea that "I deserve something, and I am justified because I didn't get what I want." However: on a deeper level it translates to "This is all about me", or "What I feel and think is more important than the way you do". Is this always conscious? I doubt it. I would say that rarely are we who harbor these feelings so meticulously cruel. But we have to be honest with ourselves about the way we feel if we are to find a way to work through it. We cannot deny that this kind of behavior has some serious effects on others. Perhaps the most heartbreaking thing is that there is inherent good inside the other person that this kind of pride completely blinds us to. This might even lead to the person affected feeling like no matter what they do they continuously fail, and only want to curl up in a ball and disappear. That is why it is dangerous to have these feelings, especially in those special, significant relationships with the people we love most. This idea extends to all of our relationships too; the way we treat others reflects the kind of love that we have for them. I think there is an unending list of things that can get on our nerves. Ultimately what I believe is that there is a way to shorten this list. It comes down to changing one's expectations and replacing it with something different. The truth that I am getting at is this: the goodness people possess outweighs the expectations we have so much as to break the scale beyond any comparison. I believe that all people indeed are worth the same, and that this worth is enormous. This is not an amount, but a characteristic. It is inherent, and it is divine. I believe the problems of judgment, hate, and pride would disappear a little more with an effort to look beyond the surface representation of people (that which we see, which makes us so angry) into the gold-encrusted halls of the soul. When we look superficially (because we are self-focused) we miss it. In that case what we assume is a defect in them is really an incomplete picture. They may have been acting in sincerity when we assumed ill-intent. Even though our intentions also may have also been good, the hurt there runs deeply on both sides. I believe, that after all we can do, we are endowed with eyes like those of the Savior, and our ability to love and to feel increases ten-fold over that which it would have been if either the love had come easy or if we had never loved at all.
4 Comments
Recneps
3/7/2012 11:29:06 am
thanks Brosef, great article
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Sam
3/30/2012 08:54:25 am
Nicely put, and a great standard to aim for.
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Taibitha Wells
4/9/2012 12:23:21 am
So, as to our discussion this morning, there are many examples of "love."
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Sam
7/4/2012 03:10:08 am
I think Tabitha's short paragraph "I believe..." is an amazing insight.
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